whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
