I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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