he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
