watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
