Say something about gay babies.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
