i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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