she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
