i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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