I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
