I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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