There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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