you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
