ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
