I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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