things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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