Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
