you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They took my balls.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
