do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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