I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
