I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
