You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
