moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
