I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
