It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
