Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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