he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
