people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
