Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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