I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
