he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
