Screwed.edu
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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