i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
