pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
