fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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