Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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