She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
