I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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