I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
