I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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