FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
