im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
