I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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