My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
