At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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