haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
