Don't make out with my wife yet
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He? As in you personified your dick?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
