I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
