just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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