if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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