she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
