I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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