Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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