Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
