just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
